All too often we may hear, but we haven't really listened. Therein lies a serious problem that costs American business untold hours of wasted time, unnecessary mistakes that result in repeating simple tasks and poor working relationships caused by personal conflicts and eroded trust. True leaders avoid this trap by listening to learn, then leading.
   The difference between merely hearing and actually listening is huge. When you hear something, you merely pick up the sound vibrations. What you hear, may or may not penetrate, thus it becomes a very passive act. Listening, on the other hand, is an active act‹often referred to as "active listening." Active listening requires that you pay attention, absorb the information being conveyed and interpret what you believe the speaker meant to convey. When you listen, you listen objectively‹without prejudice or bias. And, you accept responsibility for ensuring that you got the fully intended meaning from the speaker.
   Here's a typical conversation in which Tom, the receiver of information, heard what was said by Mary, the speaker, but failed to listen:
   Mary: "I'll need your proposal by the end of the day Tuesday so I can make a final decision."
   Tom: "Fine, I'll see you Tuesday." When Tom arrived at 4 p.m. Tuesday, Mary had already left. Her assistant informed Tom that since she didn't have his proposal, Mary had decided to do business with his competitor.
   Tom was offended. He thought Mary had misled him. Had she? No. When Mary had said she needed the proposal by the end of the day Tuesday, it was Tom's responsibility to absorb that information and take responsibility for ensuring that "the end of the day" meant the same time to him as it did Mary. When he heard "end of the day," he made an assumption. He didn't truly listen. Mary, on the other hand, didn't mean to mislead Tom. In her mind, the end of the day was the time she left every day - 3 p.m.
   Do you think this is a silly, trite example? Maybe. But, it is generally the little things that are misunderstood in conversations that cause most of the big problems. Following are some simple tactics to follow if you want to improve your listening skills and avoid simple misunderstandings:

Establish eye contact

   Direct eye contact with the person to whom you are listening, conveys interest and sincerity. It also provides a stronger connection to your ability to truly listen.

Show appropriate facial expressions

   An occasional affirmative head nod and other facial expressions, along with strong eye contact, convey to the speaker that you are engaged and truly listening.

Avoid distractions

   Listening requires full attention. Shuffling papers, being distracted by nearby conversations or checking your watch for the time, are all actions that can unintentionally send a message that you are bored or uninterested and indicate that you are not fully attentive.

Restate

   To ensure that you understood what the speaker said, rephrase what was said in your own words. Feeding critical information back to the speaker in your own words will either verify that you understood what was said, or lead to more clarification on the speaker's part.

Don't Interrupt

   Allow the speaker to complete his/her thought before responding. Trying to anticipate what the speaker is going to say can appear rude. It can also make you appear arrogant and all-knowing which isn't very customer focused.

Transition smoothly

   As an active listener, you will be able to shift back and forth between you and the speaker more smoothly because by concentrating on what the speaker is actually saying, your responses will be much more meaningful and congruent. This builds stronger rapport and clarity.

Don't talk over your speaker

   While everyone likes to talk, and silence can sometimes seem long and uncomfortable, those who practice active listening realize that besides being rude, it's not very effective to talk over the other person. The clarity achieved by listening actively greatly outweighs the urge to jump in and talk over the other person. Listening requires a certain amount of patience‹a trait difficult to develop, yet so important in demonstrating that you honor others and what they have to say. Those who learn to master the art of listening actively will lead the way in developing rapport and effectively influencing others to their way of thinking. From that perspective, patience pays big dividends.